


NIGHTFALL

by shadowOrchid



Category: Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Brotherhood, Drinking to Cope, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mental Breakdown, Not Slash, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recreational Drug Use, Rough Sex, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2020-05-19 07:16:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19352098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowOrchid/pseuds/shadowOrchid
Summary: Three years since he called Bludhaven home. It wasn't supposed to be easy his life was never easy, but when did it suddenly become so damn difficult? How...did things get so messed up? The line he crossed; the line before he even realized he had. It was too late, it's too late. How can he protect an entire city when he couldn't even protect himself? He needed him. Batman. No, he needed..Bruce.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you can't handle angst please don't read. It will get pretty heavy as chapters go on. just a heads up. thanks for reading comments are always welcome. ^_^ cheers!

Click...click

'Good afternoon Gotham...this is our news. Once again...'

The radio brought life in the silent room,slowly, awareness was brought to the young man laying in the bed. Vision clearing, he looked at the read numbers on the small clock. Though the radio played he didn't move to turn it off his body almost felt to heavy to try to move.

His raven hair draped down in front of his eyes his mind once more filling with unwanted images he wish he could erase. Too much...too much to deal with.

Suddenly, a sharp ping came to life grabbing the attention of his ears...maybe it will go away if he ignored it but the sound was persistent. With great effort he raised himself up from the bed. Padding barefoot across the floor. We walked over to his dresser picking up the phone. Frowning at the bat symbol blinking on the screen. 'Not now. Not ready..can't.'

He reached up and clicked the off button. Tossing the phone in the draw. Running a hand over his face he walked into the bathroom. Turning on the light he made his way over to the sink. Reaching over to turn the tap on; he paused. As his mind wouldn't let the images stop. Looking up in the mirror a memory flashed behind his eyes of this same bathroom. Shower so hot that steam filled the small space.

Shaking his head, he closed his eyes and willed himself to get himself together. Turning the water on he put his hands under the tap raising a pocket of water to splash against his face. He swallowed hard as each pass of water brought painful reminders.

When he dried his face he once more looked at the mirror. Spider web cracks spread haphazardly along the once smooth surface. Diverting his eyes from his reflection he looked down at the floor where blood stained towels lay in a pile behind the door.

Picking them up he tossed them in the laundry hamper. No...just. He felt the familiar pain of anxiety begin to settle deep in his chest. Taking a few deep breaths he entered into his room once more. He simply reached into the dresser drawers and numbly picked up his clothes.

After getting dressed. He came into the kitchen. The thought of eating actually made him sick. Looking at his watch he sighed. You can do it...out the door and work. He cane over to the coffee table reaching for his keys and badge.

He then froze as he looked at the badge in his hand BPD. The symbolism behind it brought pang of dread and guilt. Then with a surge of anger he threw it across the room. The force sent it smashing into a wood box that sat a the shelf. Blinking he calmed himself... 'Relax, Grayson, relax.'

After a moment he walked over to the small messing squatting down he picked up the box. Running hand over it he opened it then halted at the sight before him. Picking up the small black case tears stung his eyes. Bringing the back of his hand to rest at his mouth he fought the emotion back but in doing so he collapsed against the floor.

'How...how can he do this? He...can't do this! Oh..god.'

His heart was thudding so hard in his chest he physically raised his hand to his chest.

'Breathe...breathe..Breathe.'

Then it hit him. A thought that he never would imagine would grace his mind. How comforting the idea of not if he simply stopped breathing ...that was enticing to say the least.

Suddenly a knock sounded on his door. Almost numb he listened again and seconds later another knock followed by a voice.

"Hey, Grayson are you in there?"

Breaking out of his haze he scrambled up off the floor gathering the mess together. Quickly placing the box back on the shelf. He glanced around him, his eyes landing on the badge he picked it up. Striding over to the door. Reaching out he unlatched the door. Opening it a crack he looked out to see his partner standing in front of him.

She smiled. "Hey, are you ready?"

"For?"

She cocked an eyebrow. "We have to address the new recruits? Orders from the commissioner...remember you volunteered happily. To my dismay."

"oh...Listen Karen I am taking some sick days. I have a good few weeks coming toward me that I need to take off. So..."

"Seriously baling on me?! You know I hate public speaking."

"I'm really sorry just get someone else ok?"

The brunette frowned slightly. "Won't you let me in at least?"

"Unless you want to be down for the count in a day or two. Not pretty. Trust me."

She sighed. "Alright, but you so owe me one. And get better soon. Bludhaven needs you, Dick Grayson."

"Thanks."

The woman nodded before leaving. Closing the door Dick leaned his head against it. The way he saw it Bludhaven could just burn to the ground. He'd be perfectly fine with that.

'Time...You just need time.'

Dick laughed at that very thought. Knowing full well...that was a lie, but it was comforting none the less.


	2. Homecoming

It was mid afternoon when a knocking sound rang through the hall. Alfred, opened the door to Wayne Manor. His eyes widened in surprise as he saw the person standing before him. Clad in deep blue jeans, a grey t-shirt and a dark green jacket. A pair of sunglasses hid his eyes

 

“Master, Dick.”

 

“Hey, Alfred. Can I come in?”

 

Alfred smiled. “This is your home as much as it is Master Bruce's.”

 

Dick stepped inside. Alfred shut the door. The older man took in the quiet demeanor Dick held, it was unusual to not receive a smile or even a hug from him. The vigilante removed his glasses looking around the walls as if he was seeing them for the first time. 

“Bruce, around?”

 

“He hasn't been home in about three days, his skills has called him abroad. Master Damien is with the titans. Will be back tomorrow.”

Dick looked at Alfred. “So, you've been soloing it.”

Alfred shrugged. “I don't mind, gives me a break as well.”

Dick grinned slightly. “Bubble baths and sherry nights?”

 

Alfred chuckled. “Oh, don't be preposterous. Brandy is more my style.”

 

Dick walked into to the main room. “If you don't mind, I was thinking I could hang here for awhile.”

“It would be my pleasure.”

Dick nodded. “I'll be in my room if you need me.”

“Of course sir. Master Dick?”

 

Dick paused to look at Alfred. “Yeah?”

“Are you alright?”

Dick smiled. “I'm fine. Just need some sleep, patrolling has been pretty crazy lately.”

 

“I see, supper will be ready at seven.”

 

“Looking forward to it.” Dick concluded as he left the room.

 

))))))))

It was ten in the morning when Damien sauntered into the kitchen. Opening the fridge he spied the orange juice, popping the cap open he downed a couple gulps before he placed the cap on and put it back on the shelf. 

“There is such a thing as a glass, Master Damien.”

Damien closed the door to the fridge. “Taste better out of the container.”

Alfred chuckled. “That seems to be the going logic for boys your age.”

 

Damien sat down at the counter as Alfred set a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him. Damien picked up his fork and stabbed a pile full of eggs. 

“I stick by it.” he answered before taking a mouthful of his meal. “Have you heard from father?”

 

“He is to arrive sometime this evening. He wishes you well.”

Damien took a bite of his bacon, his chewing slowed as his eyes caught sight of an extra plate resting on the counter untouched.

“You going to eat that?”

Alfred opened a cup board door reaching in to take out a bag of tea. “That is for Master Dick.”

Damien swallowed surprised by the news. It had been a good four months since Dick came to the manor.

“Oh,” he thought for a moment. “When did he get here?”

 

“Yesterday, afternoon.”

“Honestly, you would think he'd at least have the courtesy to say Hi. Where is he anyway?”

“He is in the Gym.”

Damien nodded. Taking a couple more bites he shoved his plate to the side. Hoping down from the stool he paused mid way in the floor before he ran back to his plate to grab the last piece of bacon.

“I know, I know, wash my hands afterward.” he stated as exited the kitchen.

)))))

Dick was damp with sweat as he had been well into an hour of his routine. He did ring work going from plank position and then back into a hand stand. Down somersault reach for the rings and repeat. His mind would not rest, went from solution to solution but they all fizzled out, this caused him to grit his teeth bringing himself back into a hand stand, then with several swift movement he rotated in the ring space, releasing to landing with mastered precision on the mat in front of him,

 

Damien walked in to the room, seeing his adoptive brother workout was always something that impressed him, of course he would never admit it out loud. Dick's shirt was discarded on a bench in the corner, revealing the blatant display of bruises that marked his back starting from his left shoulder ending in the center. His black hair disheveled wet strands, he walked over to the bench to pick up his towel.

 

“Alfred, send you?”

 

Damien snapped out of his silence. “I don't get 'Sent' anywhere, I made the decision to tell you you're wasting a perfectly good meal in the kitchen.”

Dick glanced over the younger Wayne. “If you want it you can have it.”

 

Damien watched as Dick walked over to a slot ladder picking up a rod. His eyes didn't miss the several gashes along his mid section.

“Father, would recommend you rest.” Damien stated as Dick leaped up in the air with the bar hitting several slots in one go.

Dick looked at Damien briefly. “I am...compared to what I usually do.”

 

Damien frowned as Dick reached the top of the slot ladder and dropped down. Damien followed him as he picked up a water bottle.

“Bludhaven has been on the news a lot. Heard about the explosions, pretty crazy.”

 

Dick undid the cap. “...Yeah, crazy.”

Damien didn't even have a cheeky remark despite what he saw, this was not the man he first met. Sure, he walked, talked, looked the same but something was missing. Dick picked up his hand towel draping it over his shoulder.

 

“Room is all yours. I'm going to hit the pool.”

 

Damien watched him leave.

 

“Damien...it's good to see you.” Dick concluded before he rounded the corner. 

 

“Grayson....what are you hiding?”

 

))))))))))))))

 

Bruce entered approximately six-thirty in mansion, glad to be home. He removed his tie as he made his way into the main hall. Alfred descended the staircase.

 

“Welcome, home. Master Bruce.”

 

Bruce smiled. “Good to be home, trust everything went well in my absence.”

 

Alfred knew that question was geared toward the young wayne heir.. “Yes, indeed.”

 

“I noticed Dick's motor cycle outside.” Bruce said as he handed Alfred his suit jacket.

 

“He arrived yesterday afternoon.” Alfred answered as he also took hold of Bruce's brief case.

 

“How long is he here for?”

 

Alfred paused. “Well...he said he'd be staying awhile.”

 

Bruce turned to look at Alfred. “That is vague.”

“I didn't press on it further. Dinner is on the table, I'll just put these away.” Alfred informed as he left the room. 

 

Damien entered the hall. “Hello, father.”

Bruce smiled. “Hello, Damien. What have you been up to since I've been away?”

 

Damien crossed his arms not amused. “Are honestly going to ask me that when you know doubt have been keeping tabs on EVERYTHING?”

 

“Worth a try.” Bruce simply said as he led the way into the dining room.

 

“The Titans are a bit sloppy but I have whipped them into shape. Naturally.”

 

Bruce took his seat at the table. “Damien, remember about what I told you about being a team player.”

Damien sat down across from him. “Yeah, but hard to be a team player when the team is breaking down.”

 

“hm.”

 

Alfred entered the room placing a glass of wine down for Bruce and grape juice for Damien. Bruce lifted his fork.

“Thank you, Alfred.” Bruce hinted over to Damien.

Damien inwardly sighed. “Thank you, Pennyworth.”

Alfred knowingly smiled. “Your very welcome.”

 

Bruce looked over to see a place setting empty beside him. He furrowed his brow once more looking at Alfred. “Is Dick not joining us?”

 

Alfred shook his head. Damien took a gulp of his mashed potatoes. “Grayson, isn't much for eating it seems. Can I have his share?”

Bruce gave a disapproving look at his son. Who in turn blinked. “What?”

“Where is he?”

Damien lowered his attitude as he thought back to that afternoon. “He said he was going in the pool.”  
“Master, Dick has always valued his fitness, but this is extreme for him.” Alfred admitted.

 

Bruce concern deepened as a memory greeted him from the past. He pushed back his chair and rose from the table. Damien got up.

“I'm coming with you.”

 

“No, eat your dinner.” Bruce firmly ordered.

Damien let out a huff as he plunked back down in his chair. “I want to help.”

Alfred handed Damien a napkin. “He knows that, but this is a matter that your father has doubt with before.”

Damien cocked an eye brow. “Fitness over load?”

Alfred set down the tray. “Isolation.”

 

)))))))))

 

Dick lost count of how many laps he had done he simply tread water. Images flashed in his head every time it had the chance, he took a deep breath and submerged himself releasing the air until he sank to the bottom. Everything hollow and muffled all he could here was his heart beat, a reminder that he was indeed alive. A few moments longer he kicked himself back to the surface. Wiping the excess water from his face. He swam to the ladder and climbed out of the pool, walking over he picked up his towel dried his face. Closing his eyes, as he willed himself to not cave in to his feelings. The familiar pull of remorse clawed at his throat, his eyes landing on a random piece of tile a couple spaces in front of him.

 

“Dick.”

 

Dick broke out of his thoughts as his attention was brought to Bruce standing in the door way. He rose from his spot clearing his throat. 

“Hey, Alfred said you'd be back. How was India?”

 

“Busy.” Bruce said as he entered. “Haven't seen you for awhile.”

 

Dick smiled. “Yeah, just...busy. How have you been?”

Bruce stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Gotham, has been congested with crime, but the worst of the criminals are secure in Arkam.”  
Dick nodded. “Good.”

 

Silence filled the space between them. Dick cleared his throat. “I better change, I'll be out of here tomorrow.”

“You're welcome to stay longer.”

 

Dick cringed slightly. “Thanks, but work is piling up at my civilian job. Don't want to get fired.”

 

Bruce caught Dick gently by the arm as he went to leave. “Dick. I know things haven't been right-”

“It's alright Bruce. If you want I can patrol Gotham tonight. No doubt it needs it with you and Damien gone.”

“Red Robin has covered.”

“...Right, still. I'd like to go.”

“You should eat.” Bruce reminded.

Dick forced a smile. “I will.”

With that he left. Bruce knew Dick better than anyone he couldn't ignore the signs, for he has seen it in himself. Dick was breaking, it was only a matter of time before he completely shattered.


	3. Warning Signs

Red Robin had successfully apprehended several assailants. Bundles of five given to the police. He spied a look at his watch it wasn't even midnight and knew tonight he would reach his goal of twenty. He was scolded at times for making patrolling a game, but with four other vigilante's to keep up with made the betting fun. So, far Damien was in the lead by two, and Jason, he fluctuated due to the fact each criminal he killed was a deduction to his number. He was pretty sure Bruce was secretly keeping a tally of his own, but he would never admit it out right. Barbra aided Dick at times so he was out by default, but seeing as she was in a wheel chair advocated that Dick was her legs.

A sound startled him he nearly dropped the scanner in his hands. He looked over to see Nightwing dropping down the upper ledge of an adjacent building above him. 

“Nightwing, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Sorry.”

Tim grinned. “All's good.” he resumed his observation of the block before him. “How long have you been in Gotham?”

 

Nightwing came up beside him. “Not long.”

“Well, just so you know I have been holding down the patrolling in Gotham, Damien was but...Grounded for a month. He broke curfew a few times. You know how Bruce is.”

“Yeah.”

Tim smile faded as he noticed the quietness from Dick. He placed a hand on his hip. “How are things? Seems like forever since we've talked.”

Dick noticed movement on the building across from them. Two masked men emerged from the roof top door. Without a word he fired off his grappling hook and swung over. Red Robin followed behind him.

The thieves cursed as he saw Nightwing coming after them. 

“C'mon!” one thief called to his partner and booked it to the left as they jumped awkwardly to the next roof top.

Nightwing effortlessly followed. Red Robin never realized how fast Dick was when he applied his ability. Red Robin noticed the distance widen between him and his adoptive brother but also took note that one thief was slowing as well. He took out his weighted rope; satisfied to see the thief fall to the ground has his mobility was robbed of him.

Nightwing followed the other thief surprised the determination from the man as he changed direction. Going right and stumbled onto the next roof top. Dick finally took out his sticks throwing one with trained accuracy. The thief fell as the stick hit him square between the shoulders. He came up to him. Picking up his stick and pointed at the gasping mans throat.

“What did you steal?”

The man glared at the vigilante above him. “What's it to you?”

A flare of anger gnawed at Nightwing sheathing his weapon he picked up the man by the front of his shirt.

“I won't ask again.”

The thief remained tight lipped. Dick gritted his teeth before he threw the man hard against the ground. He once more took out his weapon.

“I guess I'll have to make you, talk.”

Thief’s eyes widened, then he let out a pained yell as the stick was brought down hard against his shoulder. 

“ugh, I aien't going to tell you nothing!”

“Wrong answer.” he threw out a kick sending the man to completely lay on the roof top. “Tell, me was it worth it? The trinkets that are in that bag?”

His victim eyes widened as another blow came, this time connecting with his face. Dick's anger heightened.

“I asked you a Damn question!”

 

Red Robin grabbed hold of his arm preventing his attack from landing. “Nightwing. That's enough.”

To his surprised he was roughly pushed away. Dick made a swing at the criminal but once more he felt his attack stopped as Robin pulled Nightwing back. “I said that is enough!You have him, let him be.”

Dick reluctantly withheld his onslaught. The thief lowered his arms but he scrambled to his feet, causing Dick to go after him

This time Tim held him tight. “DICK, enough!”

Nightwing watched as the thief got away. He turned his anger on the younger vigilante breaking free of the hold on him.

“Damn it, I had him Tim!”

“Yeah, I noticed. We have one in custody and the bag they stole discarded by our feet. It's a win.”

Dick placed his weapon back in place. “To it might be.” 

Stop me again and I will...” 

Tim grew angry. “That is uncalled for!”

Dick took out his grappling hook. “Stop me again and you will regret it.”

Tim's mouth fell open as he watched Nightwing swing off the roof and out of sight.

 

))))))))))))

12 weeks ago

 

Jason be grudgingly left his room and made his way to the front door. 10:00 in the morning seemed way to early for someone to be knocking at his front door.

“You better not be the cable guy, or I swear I'll knock your teeth in.” he barked out.

He turned the handle and swung open the door. “What, do-”

He let go his grip on the door to quickly catch the man in front of him. Eyes wide for a moment as he realized who it was.

“Dick.”

Dick groaned. Jason shifted his weight forward getting a stronger stance to haul the older vigilante to his feet. The smell of alcohol greeted him as he aided Dick to the couch. He crouched down in front of him.

“Dick...Dick.” He snapped his fingers. “Hey, can you hear me?”

Dick didn't answer as he just collapsed on his side. Jason sat back on his heels in disbelief, this was a first in the Grayson hand book for sure. Sighing, he stood scratching the back of his head. He really didn't need whatever mess that was currently laying on his couch. He walked into his bed room and cam back out with a blanket.

He stared at Dick once more. This was weird, he walked over and placed the blanket over him.

 

It was close to two when Dick stirred, he cracked open his eyes to see a pair of legs standing before him.

“Good afternoon, princess.”

Dick blinked then looked up to see Jason holding out a cup of coffee. He sat up, raising a hand to his head as his hang over slammed into him.

“Th-thanks.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Jason stated as Dick took the mug from him.

 

He took a sip and was surprised to be water. Jason rolled his eyes. “Don't have anything to cure a hangover unless you want beer or vodka, but judging by the smell on your breath you had your fair share.”

Dick downed the water then set the mug on the coffee table before him. “I better go.”

Jason gave a incredulous look. “Seriously?! You show up at my door barely with it, pass out for five hours and then say see you later. I don't think so.”

 

Dick stood up but immediately regretted it as the throbbing in his head grew stronger. He winced and made his way to the door but Jason easily stopped him.

“Look at you. Your a freaking mess!”

“I didn't mean to come here alright. Just let me leave then you are free to do whatever you want.” Dick stated as he brushed passed him.

Jason crossed his arms. “Does this have anything to do with what happened in Bludhaven a couple nights ago?”

Dick grimaced for a different reason as gruesome images greeted him once more. “No...I got fired at work.”

Jason's eyebrows shot up at the news. “Why?”

 

“Just did alright. I got to go sort out some last minute things. Thanks for your help.”

Jason watched as Dick left his apartment not sure what to think.

 

))))))))))

 

Tim leaned against the desk as Bruce typed away on the computer in front of him. 

“I'm telling you Bruce, something is up with him. I've never known Dick to be violent, out of control like he was.”

Bruce didn't answer.

“Maybe, I should have followed him. Talk to him. I did get pretty upset.”

“Dick won't talk to you.” Bruce replied

Tim frowned. “Oh.”

Bruce looked over at Tim. “It's nothing against you, it's his way of processing. He will talk when he is ready to.”

“You would know him best.” Tim came over to look at the screen in front of him. “What are you doing?” 

“The Justice League has sent files for me to look at. There is classified information in Star City being leaked to underground organizations.”

“Doesn't sound good.”

“Bio weapon information and operating system codes to nuclear missiles just to name a couple.”

“Do have an idea who did it?”

“Working on it, Flash has kept me updated, but it looks like I will be needed in Star City.” Bruce answered rising from his chair.

 

“For how long?”

 

“Not sure, two days minimum.”

“I'm glad to hold down the fort.” Tim followed Bruce down the few steps into the hallway.

Bruce smiled. “I'm sure you are, but Alfred is in charge when I'm gone.”

 

“Yeah....I will keep a close eye on Dick. I can at least do that.” Tim answered.

 

“I appreciate it.” Bruce genuinely replied as he lead the way up the staircase. 

 

)))))))))))))

 

Steam filled the room; water cascaded down landing on Dick as he sat on the shower floor. He let the water run down him, hoping somewhere deep inside it would wash away the filth that seemed t have saturated him. He leaned his head back against the tiled wall, closing his eyes but immediately regretted it as he was reminded of his sins. How? How could he ever make it right?


	4. Coping for the wicked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changed the rating, because of sex scene. first time writing one so hopefully it isn't too cheezy. Hopelessly bad at it. Comment to let me know your thoughts or suggestions. Comments are life. ;)

Dick stared at the small black velvet box in his hand. Opening it, a beautifully cut diamond ring caught the glint of the living room light. He shut it and tossed it on the table, he leaned forward running both hands through his hair.

Dishes were left in the sink as he stood up, his balance unsteady as made his way to the counter picking up the empty bottles of beer. It was cheap but it was what he could afford. He placed the bottles in an empty box half hidden between the fridge and the pantry door.

A knock sounded at the door, he dipped his head back telling himself to leave it, but when a second knock came he knew he had no choice. He walked over to the door glancing at his watch to see it was ten-thirty at night.

He opened it to find Tim standing there hands stuffed in his front jean pockets. “Hey...sorry to come unannounced.” Dick found that hard to be true, but he didn't have the energy to hash it out.

Tim smiled. “Mind if I come in?”

Dick stepped aside. Then made his way to his living room and sat on a faded couch. Tim shut the door behind him taking in the apartment.

“Wow...I think the roaches are crying this place is that bad.”

Dick didn't answer, causing Tim to think back to the night of patrolling. “Listen, about patrol. I'm sorry.”

Dick glanced up at his younger brother. “It was four days ago.”

Tim rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, but, I just wanted to let you know. I shouldn't have snapped at you.”

Dick shrugged getting up he walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer. Popping the cap open before he brought the drink to his lips.

Tim didn't miss the slight shake of Dick's hand as he ran the back of it to wipe away the traces of his drink from his mouth.

“Like I said. Listen, Tim. I know I wasn't helping any. Your response was reactive, no need to apologize for it. Let it go.”

Tim was silent for a moment before he spoke his concern. “Hey, you don't look all that hot. Come back to the manor. Alfred makes a great Shepard’s pie.”

Dick felt his stomach protest at the mention of food. “Thanks, but I'm good.”

Tim didn't believe it for a moment, but he knew Dick could impressively build up walls around him. That even Bruce knew he couldn't break through if he tried.

“...Damien, is truly amazing when he puts his mind to sparring. Got me pretty good the other day.” Tim stated in attempt to make the mood light.

“He was trained by the league of assassins; he better be able to handle himself.” Dick answered wincing as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Tim stepped forward. “Come home. Dick get some rest. Jason believe it or not actually is worried about you in his own way.”

Dick shook his head. “Making a small thing into a huge problem is not worth going home for. I'm fine.”

“You don't look fine. When was the last time you slept?”

Dick couldn't help but scoff at the question. “Try I don't know, when I was seven.”

“I'm not joking around here.” Tim stated firmly.

“And neither am I.” Dick shot back honing his eyes on Tim's. “I'm a big boy. I can manage.”

 

Was that ever a lie.

 

He had to get Tim out of the house. He walked over to the other vigilante. “I'd like you to leave, get that sleep you tell me I need.”

Tim looked over Dick. “...Ok.”

 

Dick gave a quick smile. “Everything is fine. Give Alfred my best.”

Tim couldn't ignore the fact he was feeling slightly rushed toward the door. He opened the door. “Don't hes...what's that?”

 

'shit.' Dick thought as he realized where Tim's eye line had drifted to. “Nothing.”

 

Tim brushed passed Dick to walk over to the table. His brow furrowed as he realized the small box, he picked it up. Turning to Dick.

Dick gave an impassive stare. Then diverted his eyes away taking another swig of his drink. Tim looked back down at the box in his hand.

“Dick, this is a ring box.”

“Very perceptive Tim.” Dick said sarcastically.

“Dick, I didn't know you were going to ask Barbara to marry you.” Tim smile widened. “I know you will make her world shine.”

Images flashed through Dicks mind of he and Barbara but then transformed into a uglier truth. 

“Barbara and I are no longer together.”

 

Silence hung between them as Tim stared in disbelief his smile vanishing. “Since when?”

Dick sighed. “Is this an interrogation? It's over. End of story.”

 

Tim discarded the box back on the table walking over to his brother, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

 

“Dick, I am so sorry.”

Dick pulled away. “Tim. go.”

Tim lowered his hand. “Yeah...Take care of yourself.”

 

Dick didn't say a word as Tim left. He walked over to the couch the feeling of despair crawled it's way to the surface. He let out a breath dipping his head back, how long has it been? He couldn't get passed it.

The foundation he had built was crumbling underneath him. He just needed something to shut off his brain take away the sadness and disgust...the guilt. He set his beer on the coffee table and dug his phone out of his pocket.

He scrolled through his contact list and fell on an old connection. He hovered his thumb over the name, running his hand over his face he tossed the phone on the table.

'What was he doing?'

 

He reached over and picked up his beer,pausing he looked back at the phone.

'Screw it.'

He picked the phone up and pressed the name in his contact list. He waited as he heard the ring. Then a voice.

 

“Dick?”

“Hey.”

a moment of silence followed.

'You still there?”

Dick adjusted his position. “Yeah... I was wondering if you were around.”

“It's late.”

“I won't waste your time. Meet at the usual place?”

“...”

“You know longer have to worry about my job.”

“I did see that you were fired. How are you handling that?”

 

“Not well. Can I meet you or not?”

“Yeah, you know the drill.”

“Usual time and place.”

 

At that the call ended. Dick rose from the couch stuffing his phone back in the pocket he picked up his jacket and car keys by the door and exited the apartment.

 

))))))))

Jason held his gun in front of the criminals face. “You should know it isn't the best choice to make me mad.”

“S-sorry.” the man choked out knowing his comrades were rendered useless along the bank vault floor.

“Awe, you are crying truly adorable. Now tell me how do you want to die. Chest, Head, or abdomen?”

The criminal's eyes widened. “Please,please! Don't kill me please!”

“Have I ever killed anyone?...Sure, but not without reason.”

“Red Hood, stop playing with your catch.”

Jason turned to see Damien. “Robin, don't you have demons to vanquish with your super-friends?”

 

“I tracked you by the body count thought a good number would be seven, not fourteen.”

Red Hood swung his foot against the criminal head knocking him out. He sheathed his gun. “Seriously, Batman sent his dog to sniffer track me? Cute.”

“No he didn't I came to talk to you about Nightwing.”

Jason paused for a moment before left the vault. “What about him?”

“He's been off.”

Jason made his way through the bank and out the back door. “Since when did you care about what the Golden child does?”

Robin crossed his arms. “He's not my favorite person, but I don't wish him any wrong and nor do you.”

 

Jason released his grapple and zipped up to the next building, Robin right behind him. “So, what do you want me to do about it?”

 

“Father wouldn't ask you to do it, but Tim and I need to handle Gotham while he is out of town on league business.”

“So, you want me to gallivant to Bludhaven to check in on him.”

“If it isn't too much out of your blood pillaging schedule.” Damien stated dryly.

Jason mind flicked back to his last encounter with his foster brother and realized Robin did have a point. 

 

“Fine. I'll do it, but you all just need to chill. He can handle himself.”

 

))))))))))))))

 

Dick felt the euphoria kick in and not letting go. He was tossed against the wall as he felt her lips against his. This was strictly physical need. His desperation was evident in every movement, this woman was not a rookie as she ran her hands down his chest then continued down to his belt tugging him forward.

“As, much as ally way sex is my thing, maybe you could take me to your place.” she suggested kissing his neck. Rubbing her hand against him. “Then I can show you what I can really do.”

Dick kissed her hard letting her hand linger there a moment more before he took her by the hand and lead her to the car. 

“Ooh, nicer than most I get into.”

Dick slipped into the drivers seat. It wasn't the wisest choice as his concentration was slipping, but by the time he tuck the keys in the door knob he couldn't care less. He stumbled into his apartment, as he picked up the woman allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist. Holding her there as she removed his shirt, she helped her then resumed kissing her.

He kicked off his shoes. Making his way to his bedroom the only source of light from the kitchen and the moon coming from his bedroom window. Locked in a fiery kiss he parted. Panting; looking at the brunette for a few seconds before he threw her on the bed landing over top of her kissing her fervently along her jaw and down her neck and then back up to kiss her hard.

“S-stop stop.” she said tapping him on the shoulder.

Dick raised his head to look at her; both breathless. “What is it?”

She gave a smile. “You need to slow down, you're going so fast I can't even think straight.”

Dick blue eyes locked on the hazel staring back at him. “...I like fast.” 

She pulled away from under him. “Then let me show you how to enjoy slow.”

Dick found himself laying on the bottom as she straddled his legs to loosen his belt and pulled the zipper down on his jeans. He opened his mouth to speak but it ended up being caught in his throat as she rubbed him, her ministrations began to drive him crazy as she took her time. He titled his head back letting out a quick gasp as he felt himself aroused. The drugs in his body began to take effect as his mind clouded lost in the sensations that overwhelmed his body. 

He took control once more, once more on top. He thrust in to her. Both letting out a gasp, he panted against her skin. His eyes closed he thought this would work but soon images took over, of blood, and death, he gritted his teeth and began to move, she met each of his thrusts, both close. She held on to him entangling her hands in his raven hair as he quickened. 

'So close.'

 

“Wow.”

 

Dick's eyes snapped open both him and her gasped out in surprised. Dick separated from his lover. She clung the blankets to her body while Dick stared at the figure in the corner.

“Oh, I'm sorry did I interrupt something?”

The woman looked at Dick. “Do you know him?” 

Dick gathered himself together. “He's my brother.”

“So, I take it Barbara doesn't know about. 'This'”

The woman looked between the two. “Who's Barbara?”

“Nobody.”Dick firmly said. 

Jason became stern, but was also, surprised at the denial. “Dick.”

Jason leaned against the wall arms crossed eyeing the woman on the bed. “Hey, sweet cheeks mind leaving?”

She blinked still in shock. Jason was not impressed. “In this century would be good.”

She took the hint she went to get out when Dick grabbed her gently by the arm.

“How much do I owe you?” he softly asked.

She cupped the side of his cheek. “First time is free.”

Dick closed his eyes as she softly kissed him. Glancing over at Jason and immediately regretted it as she felt the hatred coming from him.

Dick got up from the bed and walked over to turn on the light. He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a t-shirt.

“Why, are you here, Jason?”

 

“Apparently our family has this crazy idea that you need help.”

Dick sighed. Shutting the drawer. “What I do with my life is none of their damn business.”

“True.” Jason walked towards Dick. “I know you are a big boy, but when your life starts interfering with mine, then it my business.”

Dick avoided eye contact causing Jason to furrow his brow. “Hey, what's going on with you?”

“Nothing.” Dick said.

Jason grabbed him by the arm forcing Dick to look at him, but was met with a disapproving glare as Dick pushed him out of the way.

“Get out Jason.”

Jason stood there. “Tim said-”

“I don't care what Tim or any of you say or think! Get the HELL out of my house!” Dick fumed. “NOW! Before I make you.”

Jason remained quiet, then did what was asked. He halted in the door way. “Whatever you think you're trying to prove. It's not working.”

Dick remained where he stood for a moment before he made his way to the bed and collapsed against it.

'Nothing...I just want nothing.'


	5. AT ARMS LENGTH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. ^_^

A hand raised to knock on the apartment door. A few moments passed before the door opened.

 

“You better have a good reason for what you've done.”

Barbra stared at Tim in confusion. “Excuse me?”

 

Tim entered the apartment. “You're honestly, going to stand there and lie to my face?”

 

Barbra shut the door facing the young vigilante. “Tim, I don't have any idea what you're going on about and I'd appreciate it that you stop accusing me of something I clearly didn't do.”

 

Tim's anger rose. “Barbra, I spoke with Dick yesterday. He told me he and you are no longer together and judging by the- my point is Dick wouldn't lie.”

 

Barbara was silent. “I know he and I have been distant toward each other but that's because our schedules are out of sync lately. Tim, I would... Is that what he says?”

 

Tim's anger subsided. Frowning as he realized that Barbara was genuinely surprised by hearing the news.

“I'm sorry. Upon hearing it from Dick was a bit jarring to say the least.” Tim went to sit down on the couch. “Things have been pretty crazy lately. You say you haven't talk to him.”

 

Barbara placed her hands in her pockets. “Not in awhile. I've been meaning to but things have been crazy here too. “I literally got back on my feet a few months ago. Last I saw Dick was when I got my legs back. I thought things were good between us.”

Tim ran a hand over his face. “I thought so too.”

Barbara moved to sit down beside Tim. “I'm sure he's just stressed he has an entire city to look out for. Bludhaven is one worse than Gotham at times.”

“I wish I could accept that for an answer but I can't. I know I haven't known Dick as long as you but he and I; we clique well. We could talk about anything he was a big part in helping me become the Robin I am today.”

Barbara placed a comforting hand on his arm. “I'm sure he's fine. Sometimes he just needs space.”

Tim looked at the red head. “Barbara, he is not fine. He showed up in Gotham stayed at the mansion for a couple nights then went on patrol.”

“Isn't that we do.” Barbara stated. Frowning as she noted the seriousness Tim held.

Tim stood. “Yeah but...he was not himself. I had to physically stop him from going too far. He had a anger to him that I had never seen on him. Dick isn't angry when he does vigilante work, you know that.”

Barbara shook her head in disbelief. “That isn't Dick. I should give him a call.”

Tim sighed. “You can try but he isn't much for talking these days. He threatened Jason, going by the colorfully worded text I got from Jay this morning. Alfred sees it too and even Damien voiced his concerns.”

 

“Where is Bruce in all this?”

 

Tim stuffed his hands in his pockets. “He's in star City, Justice league has been demanding his time lately.”

 

“I know he and Dick had their problems but he wouldn't just leave Dick.”

 

“He knows Dick better than all of us. Maybe I'm reading too much into this but...there is a large part of me that says we're missing something here.”

 

“What are you going to do?”

“Bludhaven has been a mess these last few months, it's a given. Something happened to Dick and i'm going to figure it out.”

Barbara stood. “Let me know if I can do anything, I know I need to take it easy, but nothing stopping to drive to Bludhaven or even the manor.”

 

Tim walked over gave her a hug. “Thanks, and sorry for the accusations. Just trying to figure things out.”

 

“That puzzle solving mind of yours.” Barbara stated giving a soft smile. “Take care, Tim and say hi to the others.”

 

“You bet.” Tim said as he left the apartment.

 

))))))))))))))

Jason was in a bad mood as he entered the manor. Damien crossed his arms as he stormed passed him.

 

“Where's Bruce?”

 

Damien lowered his arms as Jason paced in front of him. “I told you he's away-”

 

Jason came up to him. “Does he know? Does he get that Dick is a mess right now?!”

 

“Of course he does.” Damien said firmly. “Grayson is-”

 

“Don't tell me what Dick is. Does he know he and Barbara are over?!”

 

Damien frowned. “I don't believe it.”

 

“You better believe it, pal. I mean what do you and Alfred do, sit around and clink tea cups together?!”

 

“That is quite enough, Jason.”

 

Jason turned to see the butler. His expression stoic a flicker of anger in his eyes, commanding the silence of the other.

“Do not confuse my age with incompetence. Do not forget I knew master, Dick since before you were born. His troubling behavior has not gone noticed by my eyes.”

 

Jason rubbed the back of his neck. “I'm sorry Alfred. I visited him yesterday night and it rattled me. I have never seen him so-”

 

“You.” Damien filled in earning him a dirty look from Jason.

 

“What are we going to do when he implodes?” Jason stated.

 

“We be there when he does.” Alfred simply answered.

 

“Lets hope it doesn't come to that. He may snap out of this funk.” Damien added

)))))))))))))))))

 

Dick jerked awake. The clutches of his nightmare lingering as opened his eyes, immediately regretting it as the pounding in his head greeted him. He slowly rose from the floor raising a hand to his head as he got to his feet.

Making his way into the bathroom he turned on the light and winced as it added to his discomfort. He looked in the mirror his hair was a tussled mess his eyes slightly blood shot. He turned on the tap in the sink and splashed a few handfuls of cold water against his face. Reaching blindly for a hand towel to dry his face.

He lowered the towel looking in the mirror and felt his blood freeze as he saw a figure standing behind him. He spun around dropping the towel as he did so to find that he was looking at the wall and nothing more.

His breathing slowed. He walked out of the bathroom and over to his top dresser draw rummaging around it to find the small tin container. Picking it up he opened it and dumped two capsules in his palm , flashes of death greeted him urging him to hurriedly toss them in his mouth and swallow fast.

 

He changed into some grey pants and a green long t-shirt. A knock sounded at his door earning another wince. He made his way through the living room another knock sounded.

“I'm coming.” he muttered to himself.

 

He opened the door slightly to see the last person he expected. Clark gave a smile. “Hey, can I come in?”

 

Dick groggily closed his eyes as the question seemed infinity hard to answer. “I'm not feeling all that great.”

Clark lifted a bag in his hands. “I heard. I brought you soup. My mom makes the best chicken soup.”

Dick stared at Clark a moment longer. “....Sorry, but not up for soup.”

 

Clark happiness was in forced even more but knowing all to well, Bruce wouldn't have asked him to talk to his ward unless with good reason.

“It's a shame to let it go to waste. More than enough here for two.”

Dick knew that Clark would not drop this he was about to answer when a voice came from behind him.

 

“Hey, so I'm going to go.”

Clark blinked in surprise as a woman came forward causing Dick to open the door wider. The woman was equally surprised to see Clark standing there. She turned to Dick.

“You know where to find me.”

 

Dick simply nodded as she moved passed him her eyes flicking over to Clark as she brush passed him. 

 

Silence filled the space. 

 

Dick simply moved away from the door Clark taking the invitation. “She seems nice.”

 

Dick didn't answer as Clark set the bag on the counter. The kryptonian walked over to the cupboard and took out a couple bowls then walking over to a drawer and pulled out spoons.

“I should have brought some bread nothing goes better with soup than ma's homemade bread.”

 

Dick stood arms crossed. “Bruce send you?”

Clark's false sense of joy melted away at the harsh tone Dick held. Clark turned to look the young man.

 

“He did.”

 

“I will tell you what I have told Tim and Jason. “I'm fine don't need people checking in on me.”

Clark removed his glasses. “You do realize I can see things that many can't; not to mention I have a good ear. But I don't need all that to simply see you are not ok.”

 

Dick brought a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, this level of conversation was too much for his brain. 

 

“Clark, I'm not up for any lengthy lectures this morning.”

 

Clark opened the lid on the soup container pouring out even portions in the bowls. “Not meaning to lecture.”

Dick looked at Clark as he came over and held out the bowl to him. “Here, I have a hunch you haven't eaten breakfast.”

Dick stared at the bowl then back at Clark. “Just put it on the table.” he walked over to the fridge. 

 

Clark did just that, realizing what Bruce had told him didn't come close to what he is witnessing. “Star City is going well.”

 

“If you say so.” Dick said taking out a bottle of water. Loosening the cap.

 

Clark walked over to pick up the spoons just as Dick rounded the corner knocking the bottle of Dick's hand the contents spilling out.

 

“Dammit.” Dick cursed bending down to pick up the bottle.

 

Clark eyes were serious as Dick walked over to the sink and tossed the bottle harshly in. Dick raised a hand to his forehead as the pounding grew stronger.

 

“Dick, you need help.”

 

Dick, slammed his hand against the counter. His blue eyes locking on Clark's. “Will you people just leave me the hell alone.”

 

Clark approached him. “You're not fooling me. I know you, the vodka in that bottle alone says that's not you. Talk to me, we could always talk.”

 

Silence.

Dick annoyance faded into weariness. “I know you mean well, Clark. This is just one person that isn't worth saving or try to fix or help or anything like that.”

 

Clark was sympathetic placing a gentle hand on Dick's shoulder but was surprised as he drew away. 

“Dick, I am here for you, we all are.”

Dick felt tears sting his eyes causing him to turn away. “I know...I just need space, ok. If you want to help, just tell everyone that.”

 

Clark grabbed Dick and drew him into a hug. “I'm a call away.”  
Clark looked around the apartment. “If not anything else, I can clean up for you, takes about four seconds.”

Dick couldn't help but smile. “Nah, gives me something to do.”

Clark nodded. Then headed out the door he paused for a moment. “Take, care ok.”

 

Dick raised his hand. “Yeah. Thanks for the soup.”

“Anytime.” Clark answered.

As soon as the door shut Dick went back into his room. Digging out his phone from underneath his pillow.

Opening the contacts he pressed the familiar number. It rang.

 

“Dick.”

“Hey, you around?”

 

“...Can't tell me you're through those already.”

“Been a rough week.”

 

*sigh Listen, you owe me for the last batch I gave you.”

 

“I can make up for it.”

“How?”

 

“I know a guy that can do a drop for you. As simple as that.”

“Whose this guy?”

“He's credible, alright. In and out before you know it. Know one will suspect a thing.”

 

“Next hit will be in Gotham harbor get your guy to do this job and we'll be square.”

“When?”

“Just have your guy on speed dial.”

the call ended.


	6. Thief in the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, lightning struck and took out internet for a week, but I did continue writing. ^_^ Also, just to let you all know I don't think myself a very good writer so I know there is grammar glitches. Hopefully it doesn't take away from the story telling. Thanks for ALL who read and take the time to do it. ^_^ you all rock. hopefully worth the wait. lol

Several men lay unconscious as Nightwing swung his leg against the head of the last man guarding the black duffel bag. He knelt down on one knee and unzipped the bag to see several stacks of money and beside it, zip lock bags of illegal drugs. There was the hero part of him that told him this was wrong. This was a detour from already a tainted road, but the overwhelming sense of NEED to cure the emotional torment drenching his veins was short circuiting the fragile moral compass within him.

He zipped up the bag, slung it over his shoulder, and released his grapple line to a flag pole across from him. He landed both feet on the roof top, he was halfway when he heard the cock of a gun. He closed his eyes, even though he had wiped all evidence of his Nightwing suit and given himself a mask. It didn't hide the heightened sense of defense. If this was anyone from the BPD he would have an easy chance of escape.

 

“You going somewhere with that?”

He cursed under his breath even before he turned to look he knew who it was, knew from the moment the gun was on him. -Jason. 

This wasn't going to be as simple as he thought. Wind picked up filling the space between them, Jason hopped down from his perch. 

“Toss it over and I might leave a bullet resting in your chest cavity instead of your head.” he stated raising his gun higher to enforce his words.

 

Dick didn't speak, earning a not amused scoff from the other man. “Be a big boy and use your words.”

 

Dick knew the longer he stood there the more chance Jason would sense who he was. With a deep breath...he turned... and ran!

 

)))))))

 

Jason took off after the thief knowing full well he'd have no trouble handling this joke of a criminal. He followed him the length of the roof confident this man would simply crumple under the idea of the ledge of the roof.

“Better give it-”

Jason's eyes widened as the thief effortlessly leap over to the next roof. He followed faster as the criminal turned corner after corner kicking it in to gear. Jason did the same as the thief jumped up to grab onto a over hang hauling himself up in a single bound. Jason couldn't belief it, this guy had skill, maybe a CIA spy, trained well. Jason followed suit. 

He raised his gun and fired a shot but was flabbergasted to find this man knew when to dodge it. He cursed under his breath jumping down a level to run parallel to his prey. He raised his grapple and swung up to land a couple feet from the thief.

“Boo.”

Dick skidded slightly in his spot but it didn't faze him as he wrapped his leg around Jason's and sent him crashing to the ground. Jason managed to regain some balance as he raised his gun again and fired! this time he hit his target, barely, but saw the black jacket tear at the shoulder.

He got to his feet and watched as Dick launched through the air to land on a metal sheet sliding down to another building Jason seconds behind.

The two figures weaving through barriers mirroring each others movements. Rain began to pour down as the chase carried on...

 

))))))

Dick dared to look over his shoulder to still find Jason behind him. How much would he risk revealing himself? He was a common thief to Jason's eyes but if he used his full skill he would loose Jason. Ignoring the burning in his arm and chest he gritted his teeth. He was at least eleven stories above the building across from him. He could make it, it would hurt like hell but Jason wouldn't have the capability to make that jump successfully.

 

“I can do this all night! You're only succeeding on delaying the inevitable!” Jason called out.

 

Do it Dick, jump!

Dick then slowed his momentum as he skidded for a moment then flung himself in the air tucking himself he did a full rotation then slammed into the window rolling along the sub floor He winced; but got to his feet and made his way through the unfinished office building.

He climbed his way up the stairs and made it out the roof door. He glanced behind him to see he was out of the clear until a punch landed straight in his jaw stunning him he braced himself flipping around he saw Red Robin standing there.

 

Tim.

His chest heaved as his heart raced. Red Robin approached him. “Quite the impressive show, but it ends now.”

Dick stood there. Then to Tim's surprise. Dick raised his fists up adjusting his position, then in a quick series of moves Tim found himself on the defensive.

Dick kicked and punched at Tim who began to realize this thief wasn't just good he was incredible. Tim fought with everything he had to just stay up right and block each attack. He kicked out his leg to aim at Dick's head but Dick ducked and swung his down to knock him on his feet. Tim barely managed to stay up right.

Dick was struck from behind causing him to stumble, but flip to the side and land on his feet.

Damn.

Damien stood a few feet away, arm’s raised. Then booted feet hit the ground to his left and saw that Jason had arrived.

Dick knew he could combat each of them on their own but three against one is hard enough when it's a common criminal but three trained vigilantes was not going to be easy.

“Is it really worth it to risk paralysis? Over drugs and money?” Damien challenged.

Dick remained silent. He closed his eyes as he mapped out his attack; stillness. Snapping open his eyes, he felt Jason move first, he spun. Grabbing hold of Jason's wrist and bent it and then slammed it against his own body causing the gun to fall from his grasp. He then threw Jason at Tim doing somersaults avoiding the bat-a rangs flung at him from Damien.

Damien flipped in the air and engaged in hand to hand combat. Dick blocked each kick and punch landing his way but then gritted his teeth as he felt arms around his neck. He used Tim's body in his favor holding on to Tims arms for leverage he kicked at Damien with both feet, sending him backwards and on the dismount he flung Red Robin over his shoulder.

He lost the duffel bag somewhere between Jason and Tim, he had to get it and just end this pursuit. 

He gave up on hiding his facade jumping high in the air he let out a round-about kick at Jason's head causing Jason to widen the space between him and the duffel bag as he blocked the kick. Dick rolled along the ground from the momentum and snatched the handle of the bag. 

Getting to his feet he booked it across the roof but let out a pained yell as a heat seared threw him; he dropped the bag and clutched at the flesh wound on his forearm.

He was filled with anger turning to fight back once more only to be met with the bunt of Jason's gun slamming him against his cheek. He stumbled back but he didn't quit, jumping up high he wrapped his legs around Jason's neck and flung him hard against the rough surface.

 

“Son of a Bitch!”Jason fumed he got up and grabbed hold of the ski mask in his attempt to grab him by his jacket.

 

Dick fell to his knees as Red Robin and Robin stood by his head. He was officially tapped out of energy. His black hair in damp strands.

“It's over.” Damien threatened.

Dick slammed his fist against the roof top the rain filling the silence. Images flashed over in his mind causing him to let out a yell.

Jason tossed the ski mask down and stalked over to him gun raised. “Get up.” 

 

Dick remained in his spot. Jason stepped closer.

“GET. UP!.” 

The rain continued as Dick rose to his feet. “Jason, lower the damn gun.”

 

Jason did so; but not out of command, but disbelief. Tim and Damien remained frozen in their spot as the three of them stared at their older 'Brother' putting the pieces together but each one coming to the same confused conclusion.

“...What the hell?!” Damien finally threw out. “What are you doing, Grayson?”

 

Tim became serious as he stepped forward. “Dick, we could of nearly killed you.”

 

Dick glared at Tim. “You were failing at it.”

Tim's posture straightened more as he wasn't used to the disdain coming at him. Jason's response was more physical as he delivered a right hand hook to Dick's face. Sending him to the ground.

He stood on either side of Dick and pointed his gun above Dick's face. “I should shoot your brains out for this shit.”

Tim stepped forward. “Jason, don't.”

 

“Stay the hell out of this Tim!” he clutched his gun with both hands glaring at Dick.

 

The rain began to come down harder soon drenching them all. The tension thick as no one moved. Dick gritted his teeth as he felt shame and anger..guilt? pool inside him, Jason's threatening stance was rattled with shock as he caught sight of those emotions in Dick's blue orbs; then let out a grunt as Dick gripped his hands around Jason's.

 

Dick pulled the front of the gun hard, flush against his forehead. “Do it.....GO ON, DO IT!”

 

Jason's heart pounded hard in his chest trying to figure out how. What exactly was happening? This man. This man. The blue eyes becoming so vivid with a hurt he had never seen in his life. What scared him the most was the desperation. Desperation for the slide of his finger on the trigger. The hunger for the shot to happen. Rain spilled around them Damien didn't move, Tim Didn't Move. Jason Didn't move. Dick didn't move. 

The sound of Dick's quickened breath blended with the rain along with the tears that began to tortuously sting his eyes.

Jason didn't dare move a limb, not because he didn't trust himself; but the unstable man staring at him on the other side of the barrel.

Tim's mind fired on every intelligent cylinder, how could he end this? He wasn't sure, what it was rapidly going towards, but nothing good. He'd be damned to see a brother be killed by another. He wouldn't forgive himself, Bruce wouldn't forgive him for not stopping it. He opened his mouth but nothing came out; in fear that his voice would break the tender thread that was holding that gun against Dick's head. Rattling the tension infused in both pairs of hands cocooning around the trigger.

 

Jason had to will his mind to think. “Let. Go.”

 

The rain seemed to pound louder to Dick, drowning out Jason's voice, hindering his vision, choking him from the inside. Didn't he care? Don't they all see, he was suffocating? 

 

Jason gingerly removed Dick's hands from his own. Somewhere in the far depths of Dick's mind he realized what he just asked his brother to do, mortified really, but it was muted by the screaming coming, filling the expanse of his head, drilling, unforgiving as he knew the demons that haunted him, that were waiting, lurking in the darkness he once grew and thrived in. He needed to end this but knew miserably, that would march on. All he craved was the antidote to his pain and if it came in the form of a bullet then he would happily take it.

Jason sheathed his gun in his holster. The pitter- patter of rain on the roof was anything anyone could focus on, then with tremendous effort Dick told himself to move. He got to his feet without meeting the faces of his brothers he walked over to the duffel bag. 

Picking it up he silently swung it back in place on his shoulder. He climbed onto the closest ledge then tossed the bag at their feet.

 

“Take it to the BPD, everything they need to put the scumbag away is in there.”

 

With that Dick took out his grapple line and zipped down to the streets below. Damien snapped out of his haze first,running to go after him but he immediately was halted by Tim's hand.

 

“Damien, let him be.”

 

Damien turned on Tim. “Let him-have you lost your senses?! Tim, did you see-!”

“I did! Of course I did! But if we go after him now he can't handle that.”

“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. I'm going!”

“No you won't.”

 

Damien and Tim turned to Jason. Who was out of character being level headed out of the three. 

Damien fumed. “You two are fools.”

 

Jason scoffed. “Maybe you're right, but right now we need to be smart about this. Tim, has some truth to his logic.”

 

Damien let out a huff. “We...we can't leave him like. Like, THAT.”

“We need a stronger game play, you two head back to the manor I''ll handle the drop off. From there we will come up with something. Dick may be a mess but he sure has hell can keep up a fight as he proved tonight.”

 

Reluctantly, they left the roof, the rain holding the secrets of what happened that night.

 

)))))))

 

Alfred stood in the cave to greet Damien and Tim. “Welcome, back.”

 

Both vigilantes had removed there eye masks exposing the upset and discontent in there eyes. Alfred noted this as Tim stalked over to the computer and Damien taking a seat beside Tim.

Damien watched as Tim brought up the video com screen and typed in an address.

 

“Is everything alright?” Alfred asked coming over to join them.

 

Damien flicked his eyes up at the butler then down at his hands. “Far from it.” he looked over at Tim. “What are you doing?”

 

“Contacting the Justice league.”

“Tim, remember what Jason-”

“I can't stress to you how much we need Bruce right now. Period.” Tim firmly fired back.

 

Just then the screen revealed the Flash. “Hey, to what do I owe-”

 

“Barry?! Is the mission over?” Tim asked in confusion

“Which one?” Barry chuckled. “There has been a lot.”

“Star City? Leaked classified information?! You asked for Bruce to help you.” Tim nearly yelled as the look of surprise sat on Barry's face.

 

“...Star City has been calm the last couple months.” Barry asked his concern deepening by the minute. “Batman hasn't been on any mission schedules since Tri-gon incident.”

Damien stood up. “Father told us he had to help you!”

 

Barry rubbed the back of his neck. “I honestly, don't know what to tell you.”

 

Tim let out a slow breath, this was too much tonight. “It's-it's ok. Sorry, for wasting your time.”

Tim didn't give Barry the chance to reply as he shut down the screen. He turned to look at Alfred.

 

“Do you know something we don't?”

Alfred shook his head. “I'm afraid not, master,Tim.”

 

Tim needed more answers but knew when Bruce wanted something kept underground he was an expert at it. 

 

))))))))))))))))))

 

Dick entered his apartment closing the door. He unzipped his black jacket, wincing slightly, as he gingerly removed his injured arm from the sleeve. He made his way to the bathroom and took out a first aid kit, he set to work on bandaging his arm.

He emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later. Digging his hand in the back of his jeans he pulled out a bag of pills opening the top dresser he tossed the bag in the back he searched for the tin container his heart skipped a few beats. He knew it had been there that morning.

His frustration grew, slamming the draw shut. He went back to the living room.

 

“You looking for this?”

Dick turned to see Batman standing by the table in the kitchen. Dick stared at his former mentor, he dreaded this moment. Deep down he knew it was a lost cause to avoid Bruce in fact he was surprised it took him this long to show up at his door. Dick didn't answer as he made his way to the fridge, opening the door to see he was yet to replenish it with his precious supply of alcohol. His attention lingered on a half eaten container of Chinese food then drifted down to a bowl of soup a post it note from Clark.

'Eat me.'

 

He closed the door. “Whatever you have to say. Just say it.”

 

Bruce remained quite. Dick ran both hands through his hair his anxiety made him feel like water was rippling under his skin. Caught between wanting to scream and cry and to be honest he was close enough to both. He avoided eye contact with Bruce as he went over to pick up his coat and car keys.

“Where are you going?”

 

“Out.” Dick cringed, it was an adolescent response, but if he didn't give himself the time to think he would lose it.

Bruce watched as Dick walked over to the door turning the knob a few times.

Dick titled his head back at the realization that of course Bruce would have a plan. He rested his head against the door then turned to glare at the other man.

 

“Open the door, Bruce.” he bit out.

Bruce raised the tin in his hand. “I will...as soon as you talk.”

Dick shook his head slightly running a hand down his mouth. “You know I don't have to explain myself to any of you.”

“You WILL to me.” Bruce answered.

 

Dick tossed his coat on the nearest chair. “You have some nerve showing up here and demanding things of me. You fired me remember? You threw me out of your life so...so, why do you care?”

“I removed you from my service I did not disown you as my son.”

Dick diverted his eyes then made his way to his bedroom and to the window to find it also locked. He let out a chuckle. Then with a renewed anger he stormed out and straight over to Bruce. 

“What is your plan here, huh? Going to barricade me in my own apartment, tie me to a chair, interrogate me like I am one of your enemies. What? WHAT?!”

He felt the rage course through his body physically turning away from Bruce as images greeted his mind.

“This is typical of you,isn't it.”

Bruce placed the tin on the table then pulled out a chair. “Dick, just...sit.”

Dick turned, his eyes landing on the chair then back at Bruce. He was calm, no negative emotion captured in his eyes. Reluctantly, Dick walked over and sat down.

“Go on, give me the lecture.”

 

Bruce took hold of the other chair and sat it down across from Dick, resting his arms over his knees Bruce rotated the tin in his hands as he thought. Dick crossed his arms waiting.

 

“How long have you been abusing drugs?”

 

“No comment.”

Bruce straightened. “I'm not your enemy Dick.”

 

“Maybe you should be.”

 

Bruce was curious by that statement, but opened the tin. “This is a powerful street drug, started in Metropolis, sunk it's way into Gotham where it was amplified, spilling into Buldhaven. I know you are aware of this you put many felons behind bars.”

“You're point?” Dick coldly shot back.

 

Bruce jaw tightened taking a breath. “Dick, how long?”

 

“I'm not some addict looking for a itch to scratch. I am working under...was working undercover. It was case that I had been working on.” 

 

Bruce placed the tin on the table. “You didn't answer my question.”

 

Dick gave an incredulous look. “Really, I have to give detailed accounts of my life now?”

 

“I know you were fired from the BPD.”

 

Dick stood. “Of course you do.” He turned his back to Bruce. “You always know.”

 

Bruce waited. Silence hung in the air. 

“I need time Bruce. I just...can't deal with anything extra.”

 

“I can't accept that answer.”

 

Dick laughed sadly, turning to Bruce. “You never can, but it's the answer you're getting.”

 

“...You're spiraling Dick, I've been here. I won't leave until you tell me.”

 

Dick anger grew. “If you know about me being fired by BPD, then you know why!”

 

“I refuse to believe you are a murder, that isn't your nature.”

 

“Heh, you are gravely misguided.” Dick answered miserably.

 

Bruce stood. “You're seriously telling me that you are an accessory in the murder of Desmond Roland?”

 

“I killed him.” Dick confessed.

 

“You didn't.” 

 

Dick felt the tears sting his eyes. “How-How can you be so sure of something you don't even understand. You weren't there!”

 

“I went to the crime scene.” Bruce admitted.

Dick felt the blood drain from his face along with the sinking of his stomach. He sat down as he felt his legs go weak as his mind took him back to that night. He looked over at the tin and opened it. Empty. He tossed it across the room. Rubbing his palms against his eyes.

 

“You-You shouldn't have....Why can't you just let this go!” he bit out.

 

Bruce knelt in front of Dick. “I know I have made some terrible mistakes, shutting you out of my life was one of them. The one good thing I did get right, was to bring you into my world. You are a good man.”

 

Dick lowered his hands the remorse held in his eyes shattered Bruce as much as Dick's answer. “I wish...I wish I could believe that.”

 

“You can.” Bruce genuinely said.

 

Dick blinked a tear escaping down his cheek. “If you even knew the fraction of what I have done, you would find I don't deserve to be exonerated, but to burn in hell.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey updated this one! writer's block broke yay!

Bruce removed his cowl, descending down to Dick. Reaching out to cup his neck in his hand running his thumb along Dick's cheek.

“Dick, look at me.”

Dick reluctantly did so. His blue eyes filled with an overwhelming sense of guilt, behind that a deeper thread of anguish. Shame rested heavily on his shoulders. Bruce grip tightened ever so slightly.

 

“There is nothing in this world you could have done to ever make me think ill of you. You, from the moment I saw you, are exceptionable, to compare yourself to this worlds standards you are flawed but to mine. You are perfection, you lifted me out of a darkness I never thought I'd come back from.” he leaned his forehead against Dick's. Speaking with love of a father, Dick could compare to his own. “I know I do not deserve your trust, but let me. Let me help you through yours.”

 

Dick closed his eyes a choked sob filling the space between them. Bruce waited in the stillness of the apartment. The apartment that was only new because of a series of horrific events that Bruce could put together on paper. He knew Dick since he was eight, knew that he carried everything with his heart empathic even toward the hardest of criminals. Lecturing him that he didn't have to use fear and intimidation to get people to confess. 

He pushed Dick away, simply to keep him safe. Jason brought him to the edge of no return, Tim saw that. but Dick.. losing Dick would ruin him. Bruce raised his other hand to rest against Dick's chest , feeling the strain of his emotional torment with every hitch of his breath.

Bruce swallowed. “...Talk.”

 

Dick opened his mouth a few times. Shaking his head. “I..can't.”

“It's just you and me and these walls. Coms are off, no bugs.”

Dick bowed his head.

Bruce preparing himself as best as he could letting a breath through his nose, even and slow. Dick memories escaped to the front of his mind. Faces. Innocent faces. Blood. So much blood, on walls, on streets, on his hands Dick opened his mouth fighting internally clenching his jaw his body shaking as his chest tightened.

Bruce knew this feeling all too well and it broke his heart to have yet another son inherit this kind of pain. He rubbed the hand braced on Dick's chest up and down slowly. Feeling the lack of movement.

“Breathe..Dick. Don't fight this..you need to face. Feel.”

Dick shook his head lifting his hand to grip Bruce's wrist. “I-I”

 

Bruce supported Dick as he let out wail as more images of the past few months creep up on him, flashing harshly behind his closed eyes. Bruce held his eldest as he heavily against him then to his surprise. In the stillness of the space Dick confessed in a too quiet voice.

“...Home. I want to go home.” he confessed. Even as the circumstances played in his mind he brokenly enforced a. “Please.”

Bruce hugged him tighter. “then that is what we will do. You need family by-”

Dick pulled back eyes wide in fear. “No, the others, I can't. If they-”

Bruce gave a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder. “Nothing will be made known until you yourself are

Dick for the first time in a long while surrendered to Bruce wrapping his arms around him and not let go and Bruce was ok with that.

 

)))))))

 

Alfred stood in front of the two youngest members of the family. Hands ceremoniously behind his back as he looked between them. Minutes before breaking up a verbal argument that quickly changed to rough housing.

“Young, sirs I will only inform you this but only one time. Master, Dick will be in need of this family's support what evidence we have is deeply disturbing, he is at his wits end. The last thing he needs is childish squabbling. I ask you set aside your difference and be there for him as has tirelessly and selfishly been there for all of us. He is to arrive in the next quarter hour and in that time you best asses yourself wisely. If you are not able to do so, then there will be consequences. I will personally see to it. Is that clear?” 

 

“Yes, Alfred.” both answered in unison.

 

“Very Good. Now, part from me.”

 

Both not only did so but also each other. Jason let out a whistle. “I have to admit when I was dead I didn't miss those lectures. Glad to see you haven't missed your touch.”

 

Alfred turned to look at him. “I am glad that you did choose to follow my message.”

 

Jason slid his hands in his pant pocket. “I didn't have a choice.”

Alfred hummed in response before making his way to prep dinner. Jason walked over to the island running his pointer finger along the edge before tapping it twice. “So, how can I support Dick? I'm not the most...I haven't been exactly. I haven't been great to him in the past. Heck even recently.”

 

“Between all of us, it is you may relate to the most.” Alfred answered surprising Jason who couldn't help but be surprised by it.

 

“That isn't a positive.” Jason honestly replied. “I'm 90% sure he hates me.”

 

Alfred stopped looking at him. “Master, Dick has seen you as a brother and took your death as hard and if not harder when you passed. He cares very much for you, any push back you have received from him is because he loves you and wants you to feel and live the life that was taken from you. You have to make the decision to let go your own negative emotions and put his at the fore front.”

 

Jason couldn't help but be touched by the sentiment. Answering with a “Right.”

 

The door could be heard opening grabbing both their attention to see Bruce enter the space beside him was Dick. Jason ignored the roof top meeting clearing his throat. “hey, Dick. God to see ya.”

 

Dick gave a quick smile, if Jason could call it that before he turned to Bruce. “Hitting the shower.”

 

Bruce nodded Dick gave acknowldgement to Alfred before disappearing from their sights. Alfred walked away from the counter.

“Your arrival is early then expected, dinner won't be sometime.”

Bruce let out a breath. “It's alright, later the better I think.”

 

Tim and Damian entered the kitchen in surprise. Tim spoke. “We saw Dick, is..how is he?”

 

Bruce gave damian a hug then looked at his family. “I'll explain later, but for now I ask.”

 

“That we be there for him.” Damian finished. “We already got the order.”

 

Bruce nodded, then solemnly spoke. “You all need to be prepared, he..has suffered a lot these last few months.”

 

“How badly?” Jason asked. 

“What I know is that...he has not only lost his home.” Bruce saddened. “Haley's Circus has been burned down.”

Alfred straightened at the info. Jason cursed at it in shock, Tim shook his head then looked back where Dick had left.

“How..how can we fix that?”

 

“I don't know. Just focus on what we can and be there for him when he can't.”

Silence.

Damian broke it. Speaking for them. “I promise I will do my best. You have my word.”

Bruce looked at Alfred receiving a curt nod in agreement. Bruce did the same but he could not ignore the small voice offering uncertainties that he himself could help but agree with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and yummy kudo chips lol and comments are life!


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